Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from 2013

Good-bye Locks, Good-bye Honeymoon

Okay, so they finally managed to breach our defenses; and left with (amongst other things) a laptop, PS3, hubby's wedding ring & silver watch. We bought our home last year and it definitely isn't the first time someone tried to get in - we're in SA after all - but it is the first time goods were stolen.
Unfortunately for the thieves I do not own anything other than plus-sized clothing, weird shoes, costume jewellery, make-up and hair accessories. However, for us it also means that they've now taken everything valuable we don't carry around with us/keep off the premises; and we don't have household insurance.
The insurance is not really THAT much of a bummer for me, because generally we prefer to save for and spend on experiences rather than possessions, but this does mean we are forced to face the obvious security loopholes for the sake of personal safety (an axe is currently lying at the crime scene entry point waiting for fingerprint dusting, imagine how…

Dancing Queen

We all have those "One Day" dreams. "One day I will learn how to scuba dive", or "One day I will run a marathon". At a very young age, thanks to films like Royal WeddingDirty Dancing & Strictly Ballroom, mine became "One day I want to be a dancer".

Growing up, my parents encouraged extra-mural activities, but - unless subsidised by our public schools, weren't able to sign us up for all the things we wanted to do (we were 4 children initially, all of us about 1-2 years apart, so I think driving around after school to get everyone to & from where they needed to go played a deciding roll as well).
I was lucky enough to take part in a few musical classes - piano, recorder, trumpet, violin*; but, alas, no dance lessons; and eventually it just remained a "One Day" dream for me. I continued salivating after taking it up and none of the films or shows helped put it to rest.  (Examples: Step UpTake the Lead, Strictly Come Danci…

Love

I've clearly taken a blow to the head during my nap, because I feel inspired (stupid?) enough to tackle this gigantic topic right now.This year has not been kind to all.  Three of my best ladies are still sifting through the ashes of their recently departed commitments; and although it serves as a cold reminder of how fleeting some life experiences are, it also turned my attention to what good vs bad love should be.Healthy partners are not only witnesses to our stories and who we truly are.  Romantic partners aren't necessary for our daily adventures either - there are plenty of companions to choose from when you have family and/or friends.  Hell!  I don't even believe that soul mates are meant to be our love mates too.So why go through the pain of love at all?  For those who find it difficult to pique physical interest, is it sex?  Does the prospect to have someone around to do stuff with when everyone else is busy entice us into this ultimate heart trap?  Maybe we can ea…

Venerable

I had such a giggle @ Shelli's blog entry about her recent Tinsel Discovery.  Mostly because I know how she feels. I, too, have discovered hair in the most remarkably awkward places on my body this past year leading up to my final departure from my 20s, eg. a persisting single beard hair under my chin and one very unusual chest hair (which I've luckily not seen since plucking it with abhoration).

Most disconcerting observation of the week?  The fact that my breast mass is clearly being biologically redistributed to my middle. No, not the average sag that we all fear by default. Let's just say that the cups runneth over less and less, whilst the strap around my waist simply cuts further into my flesh.


Our Little Bunny

I am finally - and officially - someone's Aunt. It is so surreal. Before her arrival we were all (of course) quite excited and anticipatorily counting down the weeks to B-Day. Society expects that of us, because it is a well known fact that all most babies are adorably pleasant;  and I, too, have a ticking time bomb in my uterus.

What surprised me was that I expected myself to feel "Oh hi. You're cute. See ya." like I do about basically every other baby I've met so far; but instead I can't stop thinking about her! With everything I do/say/think I find myself questioning how I would explain myself to her. How I would make her understand my life, or just life in general. I feel accountable & this time it really has nothing to do with my job in accounts. It's so very, very strange and deliciously startling.

The world feels so different with her in it with us.


Hunger

Ambition is a fantastic motivator. Especially if you're also clear on  what it is that you want to achieve/become. I mean, you don't need anyone to dangle a carrot at the next corner, coaxing you into making a right turn; you just automatically want to do what you need to do to get what you're after.
I have absoluteluy no idea what it is that I am hungry for. I have a very attentive and loving husband, a good job with colleagues I usually don't feel like gassing in their sleep, and practically zero familial or friendship drama. Is the restlessness, in which I find myself during the quiet moments, a desire to move and get out more? Or, on an even more seriously damaged note, have I been able to pull off the greatest prank ever - tricking myself into thinking I want what I have only to waste an entire life? Could this also be the root of  my eating disorder? I binge and grossly overeat, because I confuse a spiritual/life hunger with a biological one? After all, Maslow b…

Cyber-Bullying's Darker Twin

An emotionally charged, nostalgic shit storm hit me this week. It all started with this video ...

From what I understand (via the grapevine, mind you), the dark haired girl on the left got upset over a rumour doing the rounds about her alleged teen pregnancy (which is still quite the scandal in the Afrikaans community whenever it happens, so I can understand her being offended by it) & she believed that the dark haired girl on the right was spreading this rumour.

I found myself becoming more enraged with the shock exclaimed over the video online than with the two bullies! Here's what set me off:

I guess cyber-bullying is relatively young, but this type of physical attack/bullying was happening almost daily whilst I was still in school during the 1980's & 1990's. On & off the 'playgrounds'. I find it extremely unsettling that people act as if this never before happened to anyone else in the past, like it's a new phenomenon and a matter of "wher…

The Girl Who Didn't Exist

As I've mentioned in some of my previous posts, my husband & I are newlyweds (12 years after we met, we finally got hitched on 1 Sep 2013); but our honeymoon period is far from what I expected it to be. Apart from the bed & breakfast treat we received from our venue as a special inclusion on our wedding day package, it's basically been business as usual in the Hallatt/Weideman household. No flowers delivered to my office, no moonlit dinners, no sand between our toes or sun on our skin. We're just too flat broke & are now saving up for a belated honeymoon + first anniversary combo getaway sometime next year.
Even if I have to say so myself, we've both been absolute troopers dealing with this non-traditional honeymoon arrangement. Not complaining (even though we want to) & relishing our own form of speed dinner dating (usually of the fast food variety, eaten in front of the telly - or even in bed on the nights one/both of us come home from work too late …

Unfair Treatment, really?

This week I'm learning that an over inflated sense of importance can lead to feelings of being treated unequally/unfairly.

For example: If, as a senior manger, you are required to work overtime without receiving additional remuneration for it, you are purely being treated equally to the rest of your senior managerial colleagues. Just because you don't like having to work after hours, does not make it unfair business practice from your employer's point of view.

Don't let prior working experiences at other companies taint your view of what is possible where you are now. When you do feel that the way you were/are treated oversteps the borders set by your Employment Contract, please keep in mind that more can get done (and in your favour too) by first trying to reconcile the matter with your employer directly. Only if this proves unsuccessful should you approach a mediation & arbitration organisation like the CCMA.

The purpose of the CCMA is "to promote social ju…

Resident Office Ghost

It's the month of Halloween...isn't it exciting! I just really wish we celebrated the playful holiday with such gusto as the Americans do every year.
Then this morning the strangest thing started happening at the office. We have door bells at each entrance for security purposes, so when the bell rings you can either walk up to the gate & unlock it, or you can use one of the remote devices some of us have in our possession during office hours. I am one of those entrusted with such a little device (basically it looks like any other motorised gate remote like those you might have at home). Due to the fact that I'm normally one of the first staff members in the office, I have to admit that I've gotten so used to the bell ringing every few seconds around 8 am (staff reporting for duty) that I sometimes press my remote button before I actually see who's at the door. [Lax in terms of safety, I know, so rest assured I'll be more careful next time.] Anyway, again t…

YAY! One of My Letters Was Published Online!

Just had to pop in & share...my letter was the 'Thought of the Week' of this week's Women24 Newsletter.

[And it's probably more than just a little sad that I'm THIS excited about it.]

P.S. The T I received in exchange for my written contribution:


99 Problems & None of Them Real

We are a bunch of whiny bastards, aren't we?  No, I'm dead serious!  Just think of your day today, what were the biggest problems you had to face?  Come on, be serious:  If they were anything at all like the ones you can read on http://middleclassproblems.com/, they're not genuinely serious issues, are they?  I mean - your life is not being threatened, you have a place to stay, food to eat, etc.

Take my morning for example.  The way I perceived it was:
Urggghhhh...I had to get up @ 6pm to get ready & go to work, which kicked off with an 8 o'clock meeting.  Then I had to face the fact that I'm rapidly "growing" out of my 4 cupboards full of clothes and scrambled around for something suitable to wear to the office, during which time I realised that I can't remember my fiancé saying good-bye before he left home.

What I should've been grateful for:
I sleep in a proper bed every night; I don't have to get up earlier and then walk a long distan…

Fat Pants

I've recently (very recently, as in less than a week ago) joined the local gym.  I joined because none of my fat pants fit me anymore!!!  Luckily I feel lots of good & happy things inside most of the time, but I also need to be able to get dressed every morning.  In something other than pj's or underwear.

My main goal right now, is getting myself into the groove of regular exercise.  After that, I'll add some more moves and tweak the diet.  No problem, but last night I seriously felt like I did all the cardio I can handle...and still, I was in and out of the gym under 20 minutes.  How sad is that?

Usually, after any situation where I come across any form of resistance, I despise myself for not getting it perfect the first time around.  In true Esteé fashion I started doing the same this morning, because I felt like I should've pushed beyond the pain.  That it couldn't possibly have been all I had to give - just how pathetic, fat and unfit am I that less than 2…

Diagnostics

Depressed, Obsessive Compulsive, Antisocial, Autistic...and these are all words that came up during just my own personal history.  It's often been said that only the insane think of themselves as 100% sane and some of my symptoms have, of course, lead to earlier diagnosis;  but what I'd really like to know, is (a) at which point you're deemed as non-functional;  and (b) whether it's really that important to be diagnosed and labelled if you're able to function anyway without any ongoing treatment?  We're bombarded with info on all of these disorders, syndromes & conditions these days and it just got me thinking...

So what if I sometimes need to get up a few times at night to check things, that uneven numbers (except multiples of 5) drive me insane, that baking cookies is extremely difficult in between repetitive hand-washing, or that being touched is often extremely unpleasant for me?  I'm never late for work and perform well in my managerial position a…

Weighty Matters

I am officially the largest now than I've ever been in my entire life  And despite the fact that I'm experiencing slight insomnia these past few weeks, I've never felt more comfortable in my own body.  I'm getting married this weekend to a man that never wants anything but the best for me, we have our own house, my day job pays well enough, I've been lucky enough to go to university, I have friends & family that I care about and that I know care for me too.  Of course there are still things I want to do/experience and I often feel that our decor and lifestyle could be a little more mature, but our status quo is seriously not that bad.

Then one of my wedding dress consultants asked me why I wanted to lose weight and it definitely startled me.  She obviously didn't ask me because I'm secretly fabulously fit and grossly over estimating how much excess weight I'm lugging around, she just wanted to know why, feeling as good about myself as I am, I worri…

Vocal Injustice

Have you been listening how some people speak to others lately?  Well, maybe not just lately, but still.  It's absolutely horrendous how little they think of the worth of those around them.  Especially this one guy I unfortunately have to see on a regular basis.  He never really tries to be as rough & brutish with me, but that's probably just due to my own personal fortitude.  The rest of the world regularly gets a verbal knock-down from him for what seems to be their skin colour, sex, age, job titles, etc.  A more prejudiced prick I haven't come across in years.
Everyone cannot be perfect every second, but we can surely try to value others for what their potential might be?  That admin support staff member is probably one of the biggest reasons that you're still getting paid each month.  No job is beneath you, or makes someone in it of less value than yourself.  Remember that your ass might rely on someone like that in the near future & karma's a bitch, d…

Horrific Favourites

So I'm still on a bit of a terror-junkie high after watching the remake of Evil Dead last night.  Loved it, because I think the original version ended up as a form of hilariously funny cult classic gore (for my generation anyway) and I love how they recently remade it so that it is as horrific & scary as they probably intended to originally.

...which brings me to my next point:  Why am I such a horror nerd?  What makes me go back for more again and again despite the fact that I feel like crapping my pants while being nailed to my seat every single time I watch a scary movie?  Margarita Tartakovsky made some valid arguments on this online.  So does Science Daily;  but mainly I feel that watching horrors is just my own personal way of experiencing an adrenaline rush.  I hate heights, small spaces & actually fearing for my life - but I love being scared while watching a film or reading a book.  Having studied accounting I'm preprogrammed to avoid risk, so with following …

Bridal Bulge

I don't even have the words for how discouraged I feel today.  About a month ago I went in for my first wedding dress fitting & was told that I gained 2 (yes, TWO!!!) dress sizes since I placed my order with them in January.  Luckily the ladies @ Eurobride was very helpful & assured me that they can make a plan during alterations, but they implored me to not lose any weight until the wedding day as it would be difficult to reverse/change what they were about to do to make more room in the dress for me.
I've been feeling so much better about myself lately and my final fitting is scheduled for later this afternoon, so - after an enormously fun bachelorette's weekend, another few weeks worth of wedding stress and a lovely weekend away with my future hubby in Cape Town - I jumped on the scale this morning for a quick peek as to what's been happening to the old caboose while I wasn't looking.  For the life of me I don't know why I did that!?!?  What the fuc…

My Work Family

I'm sure this is how most people feel all (or at least some) of the time while they're at work.  Very few people are lucky enough to love what they do every minute of every day.  The rest of us deal with simply feeling like it is what it is:  work.
However, it suddenly struck me today that I actually think that I am enjoying my time at the office.  Not all day every day, but most of the time.  And credit cannot be given to the job itself as it is sort of the same thing year in, year out;  but I think it's all due to the people I work with.
And let's face the maths of it - we probably spend about 2 hours more with our colleagues than we do with our own families & friends every day (24 hours in a day = 8 hours asleep + 8 hours at work + 2 hours for commuting + 6 hours off).  Now we have to be reasonable and take into account that we possibly spend all our weekends and an average of 15 working days' leave away from the office, which means about 1 904 hours in tot…

Curtain Call

For years I've always felt like I have so much to say and then just never saying it.  I've kept it all to myself for a number of reasons ranging from not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings, to worrying that no one will believe me.  I believe in honesty - I value truth above all else when it comes to my relationships with other people!  So, basically, omissions became my lies.
I guess there are a lot of people (if not the entire global population) out there that feels this way, but I need to break the silence today.  For me.  Even if, as in my case, that only means the sound of key strokes every now and again.
I also have to tell you that this is not my first attempt at stepping into the Blogging Realm.  I tried it before under various pseudonyms, but I ended up deleting it all.  Hiding behind anything but my own, real name just made me feel like such a fraud.
Anyway, just wanted to say "Hi" to anyone who might end up reading this.  Hoping the best for you in your…