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How Do You Wake Up?

They say that it's "THE APP THAT WILL TRANSFORM YOUR TIME WITH GOD", but it turns out that it's the App that changed my life.

I'm a '90s teen suicide and date rape survivor, and after my first failed engagement I was sure that the worst times were finally behind me, but my real run of "bad luck" actually barged in with full force five years ago.

An inauguration into the Dead Dad's Club is never a welcoming experience. In fact, on Wednesday morning, 13 July 2011, I got sucker-punched into it. No, wait. It was more like I lost a Slap Bet. (It keeps hitting me right in the heart when I least expect it.)

Since then I've lost a cousin to teen suicide, I almost lost my only sister to meningitis, my best friend finally stopped waiting for me to reconnect, and then my mother's stage four cancer diagnosis came at a time when my young marriage was suffering a slow death.

I was so out of it. I felt nothing. I sat across my husband after having visited my mother in the hospital and proceeded to break his heart over a burger dinner. Even as I said the words, I could not make myself feel anything. I just wanted out. I didn't want to die, I just wanted to evaporate.

We had no idea where to go from there. Were we supposed to jump into a divorce, or did we owe it to Us to try harder? So we booked a Trafalgar tour to the UK & Ireland, but obviously, that didn't change a single thing. We were miserable. I was apathetic.

A month later the First5 App launched.

I was raised in a Christian home and never thought of myself as someone who struggled with her faith. However, using the App helped me understand the Bible in a different way. As I delved deeper with Proverbs 31 Ministries, I felt less alone and somewhere along the way I gathered enough courage to find a couples counsellor.

Corn√© has been an immeasurable source of support and encouragement over the past thirteen months. I cannot explain how she manages to get Franscois to come out of his tough shell and speak up, but she does. She also helped me realise why I wasn't feeling anything. After years of feeling overwhelmed, I simply shut down, and you can't choose which emotions you hold back. When you start doing it, you end up taking them all hostage.

We're out of the deep, but still paddling water. The greatest thing, though, is that we're making progress and the First5 Community reminds me to connect with God every day. Jump on board! You won't regret it.


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